Conspiracy Facebook Friday: Betty White

Rue McClanahan, the actress most famously known for her role in The Golden Girls has passed. While this is sad, it demands analysis.

Rue was the youngest of the actresses on the show, but she wasn’t the last of them to pass. There is still one of her cast mates that survives—and to our horror—thrives.

That’s right, Betty White is still going strong. In fact she’s making something of a comeback in Hollywood, having hosted Saturday Night Live recently to rave reviews.

I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘But this doesn’t sound odd at all.’

After we dig past the surface, we find shocking hints at the truth. When it was reported online that Betty White was saddened by the loss of Ms. McClanahan, some anonymous comment seem to have shed light on things.

One read, “Wow, Betty will do anything to stay in the spotlight.”

Really? ANYTHING?

Another posted, “Stay strong Betty.”

Stay strong? Does that imply a recent acquisition of new strength?

I believe these two posts allude somehow to the fact that Betty White drained Rue of all her remaining stardom (in Hollywood, this is equivalent to life force).

It should come as no surprise the thought that Hollywood’s power is a zero sum game. It’s scientifically proven by the Nielsen ratings company or something that in order for one show to be popular, others have to fail. Thus, the rise of one show spells the decline of another. So, as the sitcom The Big Bang Theory regrettably becomes more popular, it stands to reason that Chuck has to lose viewers (thankfully).

The same theory is to be applied to the cast of a once-famous, cancelled show. It holds true of the Friends cast. Joey and Studio 60 couldn’t hold a candle to Cougartown, while Lisa Kudrow’s relative obscurity has Jennifer Aniston’s success to blame.

So too must we use this model to examine the cast of The Golden Girls. Again, in Hollywood, stardom = life force. This means Rue McClanahan’s death at the time of Betty White’s return to the screen is no accident. She’s learned somehow to drain life force from other stars.

And how has the sudden surge of power feel?

Betty claims, “It hurts more than I even thought it would, if that's even possible."

Well, that’s what your 90-year-old body gets.

How does one learn the evil rites required to usurp the life of another, though?

Facebook.

Facebook is responsible for her spot in SNL, after it forced Lorne Michael’s hand in a back room deal.

Yes, only Facebook is evil enough to know the dark rituals that Betty must have performed to attain Rue’s very power. Let us shudder in horror, then update our status.

SOURCES:
TMZ
URLesque