Thursday, April 9, 2009

Video Killed the Video Star

A secret war started three decades ago, and it appears as though the white flags of surrender finally wave. This brutal, conniving battle, spread worldwide, and has affected the inhabitants of the free world. It’s not the war on drugs, terror, or crime. It’s the eternal battle for the complacency of the world citizenry. This particular battle has been exceptionally nasty. I reported a while back that aliens gave Earth video games to keep us complacent. And video games companies have civilly vied for the clogged hearts and feeble minds of the general populace, using the free market to compete for business.

But this entertainment battle is unique. Hollywood has secretly been destroying the VHS industry, but now they’re EXPOSED!

I began to suspect something was up when watching The Ring. The movie was interesting and at times spooky, except I had trouble with the premise. I thought to myself “Why would someone be haunted by a VHS tape?” I’m convinced the screenplay originally planned for the little nemesis girl to haunt dreams, but Sony executives made a vile covenant with Hollywood to get back at VHS for destroying Betamax (A Sony product) and ruling the video entertainment industry for years.

A movie executive after proposing to distribute The Ring on VHS.


VHS is surely dead now, and many distribution companies aren’t even producing their movies on VHS tape anymore. But if Sony’s grudge against VHS was so dire over the VHS/Beta battle, why did it take so long to strike a definitive blow? LaserDisc tried, but didn’t supplant VHS. DVD did well, but it wasn’t until the enlistment of an evil force’s coveted weapons technology did the Hollywood/Sony forces find the magic bullet…

The conspiring forces spent years in research and development under a nefarious cooperative agreement. They found it several years ago, and have unleashed it on consumers…the dreaded Blu-Ray! Sony boasts burgeoning Blu-Ray sales due to superior quality of the video and sound; but come one, if consumers used that as a basis for sales, the Betamax tape would have won supreme. Therefore, we can conclude that something else is happening behind the scenes.

Where did this vile blue ray come from, and why is it so powerful? As I’ve already said, Sony’s evil agreement with Hollywood is the key. Television executives from the 1980s agreed to sign over the blue ray rights to Sony. The ray technology hadn’t been used since owner Cobra Organization signed them over to G.I. Joe as part of the cease fire terms when the show ended.


Blue Ray technology used against Naval forces.

So that’s how Blu-Ray was discovered, and subsequently how VHS was destroyed.

It makes you wonder, though…G.I. Joe execs must have gotten something pretty remarkable for forking over such a powerful technology. I mean, they must have been allowed to do something that no one would have ever let them do normally. Something vile, something unexpected, something unwanted…

Oh I get it…


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