CTT Hits Home!

CTT Faithful, we are under attack! The forces behind the conspiracies which we know to be true are working against us. First, I have hard fast evidence that the terrorist ice cream men that I drew your attention to are active IN MY VERY COMMUNITY. My recon team was able to snap this picture…

Notice the plywood-and-spray-paint sign on the front, keeping that low overhead cost so that more profits may be PayPal’d to fund IEDs in Iraq. Be wary of where you buy your dreamsicles, people, for ice cream is to American terrorists as Opium is to the Taliban.

Be aware of the cruel irony here, friends. These Sunni sweet cream salesmen are no doubt at this very moment buying bulk Push-Pops at Sam’s Club in order to sell them to your children, so that their children overseas can be well funded and trained to face your kids in battle 15 years from now.

More evidence of attempts to snuff out our CTT movement have surfaced. I was recently messaged from one of the paranoid populace, and his message is shocking.

It began as some CTT propaganda was dropped in his driveway in an inconspicuous envelope, and he was notified to pick it up immediately, lest it fall into the wrong hands. What follows is his account…

I come home Friday afternoon from work and there is nothing in my driveway. I walk in and say hi to the family and it’s business as usual, we say hi but no “Hey I found this in the driveway, what is it?” So I am assuming that my “package” has wandered off into the hands of others.

Later that evening [my son] accompanies me to the mailbox to get the mail and low and behold there is an envelope with only my name hand written on it but no return address and no postage stamp or markings. Now this is strange. So I cautiously open the envelope to find a large amount of conspiracy theory cards in it. I look at [my son] with a puzzled look on my face and ask “How did this make it into the mailbox?” He just looks at me all excited that we got the mail but I think that he wanted to say “How the heck should I know? I’m only 2, you’re the adult here.”

So I go home tell my wife what has transpired. She too is intrigued. Actually she couldn’t care less but I was left wondering all weekend long how the Conspiracy Theory Cards made it into the mailbox. This truly was a Conspiracy Theory Moment.

So this morning I am leaving for work and I see a mailman riding his bike to work. He sees me backing out of the driveway and he pulls up along side the car and asks if I am [my name]. My first thought is a flash back to Terminator. “Are you Sarah Conner? BANG!!” I hesitate and after figuring I can take this guy by throwing the door into him to knock him off his bike which would allow me enough time to thoroughly kick the crap out of him I say yes. He tells me that he found the envelope in the driveway and didn’t know if I lived there or not. Not to mention he has no idea who [my name] is. So he gives the envelope to his buddy, a fellow postman to see if I do live there and if so he can put the envelope in the mailbox for me. He then asks what was in the envelope. Again I hesitate. Do I tell him the truth and possibly expose my affiliation to the Conspiracy Theory Thursday network or give him a false answer? Since I am a Christian I know that it is wrong to lie so I ask myself What Would Jesus Do? I remember the scripture about being smooth as a serpent yet harmless as a dove so my response to him was “Oh it’s just some business cards that my friend left for me.” Apparently that satisfied his curiosity because he said OK and proceeded to ride off on his bike.

I will say that I am now more cautious and aware of the [Homeowner Association] surroundings than ever before. I have never seen that postman riding his bike before and I leave for work almost the same time every day. Is it merely coincidence that he just so happened to riding his bike by my house the Monday after he “supposedly” finds the CTT cards in an envelope with my name on them? And what business of his is it as to what the contents of the envelope were? Is the US Post Office now placing my house and family under surveillance or was this just a random current of events that transpired on Conspiracy Theory Thursday? I can’t say for sure but I am going to the dollar store immediately after work to stock up on tin foil.

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Are you under attack? Do you need CTT cards so that you may effectively spread the word about the secret goings on? Let me know at conspiracytheorythursday@gmail.com