Kirby vacuum salesmen are evil! I’m not saying this because I came home from work to find an odd overweight immigrant vacuuming my carpet. There is something larger and more clandestine at work here.
If you’re not familiar with Kirby, here’s all you need to know: expensive heavy vacuums sold by slimy door-to-door distributors. That’s right, you can’t buy one on their website, or in a store. Straight from Kirby.com How to Buy page, “systems are sold…by independent Kirby Distributors. These professional business men and women are happy to schedule a personal demonstration for you to view our product. You’re darn right they’re happy to do it. Once they cross the threshold to your home they’ll activate some latent sonic device in the model and your wife will be strangely intrigued, and filled with the urge to spend $1200 for a vacuum that’s harder to use than the one you own.
According to the dictionary, a cult refers to a cohesive social group devoted to beliefs or practices that the surrounding population considers to be outside the mainstream. Cults also tend to model themselves after existing church models, with small variations. Knocking on your door in a chipper rhythm, they’ll charm their way into your living room, and make you feel like your life is missing some vital thing. They’ll show you colorful, persuasive literature. They’ll…wait, am I the only one who thinks this is a Mormon offshoot?
Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard has filed suit against two independent field distributors who make in-home sales of Kirby vacuums for allegedly violating the Arizona Consumer Fraud Act. The Attorney General is claiming the companies targeted the elderly who couldn’t even use the vacuums, but were too nice to say no.
I believe there is a link to Scientology as well. That Hollywood-based religion tends to employ attractive people to increase the drawing power of their product. Both times Kirby sales folks showed up at my place, my wife says a pretty girl was there to set up a demonstration. When she returned at the appointed time, she had a sweaty man in tow and said, “He’ll take care of you. Bye!”
Another scientology link I found was the use of high tech devices to further their nefarious plots. When I asked for the distributor’s information so I could check his business’ credentials, I ran upstairs to get my laptop. By the time I returned, my wi-fi was disabled, and a second man was standing in the room. He claimed to be the supervisor, but when the salesman was on the phone earlier with his supervisor getting me “a better deal”, he said the guy was an hour away. Signal blocking technology? Teleporting capability?
I’ll end with a bit of advice from cockeyed.com. If you have a chance, check out their web site for the total lowdown on Kirby. “Regarding your marriage: If you are married, and haven't yet experienced a Kirby vacuum salesman, it might be a good idea to discuss the absurdity of $1,290 vacuum cleaners right now, before a vacuum salesman arrives. Consider drafting a "love contract to not buy thousand-dollar vacuum cleaners". This pre-planning may help prepare you for that day when the Kirby man comes calling.”
SOURCES:
www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/az_kirby.html
www.kirby.com/Portals/0/howtobuy.html
www.cockeyed.com/citizen/kirby/kirby.html
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LOVE it! And oh so true.
ReplyDeleteThrice these fools have come to our house. Really? Are there no other neighborhoods in Vacaville?
Nice. Missed your posts the past few weeks.
ReplyDeleteThe Kirby Vacuum Co. IS A CULT!
ReplyDeleteI worked for them for several months (which was long enough to know). Their treatment of new salespeople is clearly designed as a form of 'brainwashing' So they are knowingly behaving like a CULT, as do many MLM/Pyramid sales 'scams'. (Even if Kirby is 'not quite' as bad as AMWAY. AMWAY is the sales equivalent of Aum Shinrikyo.)
They use:
1. MILLEU CONTROL
They make sure that your work AND social life revolves around the company. They do their best to limit your contact with the outside world to sales pitches only. So that if you ever leave the company, you also lose all your friends and your social life at the same time.
2. MAXIMUM EXPLOITATION
A. They exploit you as much as they can. First by charging you for you own training/training materials (Books/Tapes/Seminars etc) and making sure you incur financial losses like travel expenses, in order to 'incentivise' you to sell more product from the start.
B. Also by persuading you to sell to relatives and friends ('Just while your figures pick up'), as these are the people who want you to do well they are prepared to put their hands in their pocket to help you out. But this is NOT a sustainable sales strategy! and your sales team leader/Manager KNOWS it. They are just wringing every last sale out of you before you are discarded.(Probably for being too 'negative' i.e. a realist!)
Your mention of 'selling to the old' was 100% correct, about 1/3 of my sales were to old people, usually women. These people often had limited mobility and little or no contact with the outside world, often with no living relatives they were sadly in need of basic human attention. Many old women would schedule demonstrations and even buy product in order to just spend time with someone and perhaps fend off the loneliness for a few hours. Many of the old people would not even be alive to see the end of the 'easy payment plans' I was instructed to set up. (In that case, the Kirby Vacuum Co would SUE THEIR ESTATE for the outstanding balance. How nice of them.)
And even fewer of them were actually fit enough to use the Vacuum on a regular basis.
There was one lonely old lady who bought MORE THAN ONE KIRBY VAC (at least 3 that I know of.)
JUST FOR SOME ATTENTION/HUMAN COMPANY. After I left, the Sales/Marketing Co. sent ANOTHER sales rep around to do another demonstration because of something I had said to my sales team leader. I had told him 'she was clearly vulnerable, and that I was not comfortable using this to sell product'.
My conscience STILL torments me about the way those old people were exploited. I hope I get better treatment when I get to be 65+.
I've since noticed many of the same techniques I used to 'push product' being used to 'push religion' i.e. 'Yes' spiral, pre-prepared scripts ,U.S.P.'s ,Closing window/Impending event etc.
SO your observation about whether Kirby is 'an offshoot of the Mormons' is also 'right on the money'!
Your article made difficult reading because of a bad conscience, but you are nearer to the truth than you are to comedy.
Cam Dillinger
Oh, just to say, (if you didn't already know.)
ReplyDeleteThe telephone call in order to 'get you a better deal' is absolute theater, it's a fake, prescripted piece of bullshit purely for your benefit. The prices (and any variations) are all arranged beforehand, there is NO NEED to call anybody for anything! It's just a ploy to make it appear that they are 'working hard for the best price and getting the very best deal, just for you!'
Providing yet another 'good (read BULLSHIT) reason' to buy NOW!
Rest assured, everyone else gets treated to the same piece of amateur theater.
But I guess you already figured that out, right ?
You people are all delusional it's a direct sales job every direct sales job requires you to put your all into it. And kirbys are the only vacuum cleaners that actually clean. Thee 3000 dollar rainbow and the 30 dollar Bissell are designed exactly the same. Kirby is the only one that is different and has been since 1914 they've been around for more than a century if they were a crooked business it wouldn't be here still. Lunatics
ReplyDeleteYou people are all delusional it's a direct sales job every direct sales job requires you to put your all into it. And kirbys are the only vacuum cleaners that actually clean. Thee 3000 dollar rainbow and the 30 dollar Bissell are designed exactly the same. Kirby is the only one that is different and has been since 1914 they've been around for more than a century if they were a crooked business it wouldn't be here still. Lunatics
ReplyDeleteI can definitely see why somebody would see it as a cult I work for Kirby vacuum for a while it was up and down some weeks I made good money some weeks I was lucky to make a dollar. In the end I got tired of the bitching from the distributor and to top it all off try to accuse me of stealing so I had to quit
ReplyDelete