Thursday, August 27, 2009

Conspiracy Ctheory Cthursday: Nessie Got Pwned!

In February, the London Daily Telegraph posed the question, "Has the Loch Ness Monster emigrated to Borneo?" Maybe she's on vacation after her outstanding performance in The Last Waterhorse.

Regardless, this year has been full of hypotheses about the existence and whereabouts of Nessie. Evidence is out there that suggests she left Loch Ness, but why?

"ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"...

Come again?

"In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."

Gotcha. I've long pondered where this R'lyeh was. All Cthulhu lore points to it being an underwater dwelling, but it would also have to be a place where a Great Old One could go unnoticed, a place where the locals were perpetually too drunk to figure out the horrors in the depths...

Scotland, anyone?

FoxNews managed to squeeze in this revelation right in between the breaking news that Megan Fox might be the next Catwoman and a bevy of photos of aged Brady Bunch members. They claim that this picture on Google Earth over Loch Ness proves that Nessie is real.



Most people believe this photo proves the existence of the Loch Ness Monster, but I know it's evidence that Nessie doesn't rule the Loch anymore. Here are the top three image results for the Nessie:



That looks NOTHING like the Google Earth photo. What about the top three Cthulhu image results?




Now THAT'S more like the photo...

So what happened to Nessie? Has Cthulhu always been in the Loch? Anyone planning an eldritch vacation to R'lyeh at Loch Ness? If so, stop by Twinkhenge while you're out there, I hear it's simply lovely.

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Anything to add? This is your last chance! Followers' comments in August qualify you to win a copy of The Little Book of Conspiracies. It's a desk reference, a toilet reader, and a conversation piece all in one!

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2 comments:

  1. A war raged in mythological proportions in R’lyeh! A war that no one could imagine… two legendry giants battled for the title, just as Leonidas battled Xerxes, as Freddy Krueger battled Jason Voorhees, as the Predator battled the Aliens…it was on: Nessie vs. Cthulhu. Nessie fought with every fiber of her being, but she was no match for Cthulhu (known for extreme horror and evil). Yet, Cthulhu did not kill Nessie, instead the Great Old One enslaved her! Who will save her…Ogopogo, the Kraken…who I say, who?

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  2. Simply put: neither of these creatures are real. Governments around the world have figured out that if they seed the public with inane pictures and ficticious conspiracy theories, then all us "watchers" will do is waste precious time debating imaginary things. All the while, the world governments secretly (or publicly) march us toward the real evil: a one world government and eventually the antichrist. Top it Vesper. You can't. The Little Book of Conspiracies is mine! Mine I say! Muhahahahahah Muahhahaha

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