Conspiracy Feary Friday: Beakman's World of Horror

In the latest of catastrophes, scientists claim that the earth's axis may have shifted due to the Chilean earthquake. The effect?

"The 8.8-magnitude earthquake near Chile may have also made our planet's days shorter."

Whoever is creating these earthquakes is speeding up the passage of time to bring about the future sooner.

In an earlier post I highlighted Hugo Chavez's claims that it's the U.S. Government. I'm not so convinced that this is the case.

I'll ask you to please CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

Bill Nye The Science Guy is now a science consultant for CNN. (Yeah, really.) CNN loves the U.S. Government (at least the current administration). Bill Nye is one of the good guys (come on, he wears a bow tie!)

But who was the antithesis of Nye? The Hyde to his Jekyll?

That's right...Beakman. But why would Beakman try to bring about the end of the world?

Well, despite being funnier, more energetic, having better characters, and being on CBS's Saturday Morning lineup, Nye still had better ratings and stood the test of time (in children's programming, 4 years really is the test of time).

Beakman got jealous. So he started messing with science at the very core.

He started attacking the official gram, making it lose mass so that science would unravel.

I believe he started global warming to get back at those two heckling penguins that watched his show, too.

And now he's created some sort earthquake generator to shorten the days of earth. Well, maybe he just had his henchman Lester the rat jump up and down.

SOURCES:

NY Daily News

CNN - Proof Nye is a Consultant

Hugo, Why You Gotta Be So Haiti?

Let's all welcome Hugo Chavez to the list of most famous Conspiracy Theorists. He recently blamed the U.S. Government for the earthquake in Haiti, claiming that the Navy launched a tectonic weapon. He states that this was only a test, and that once the weapon is refined, Iran will be the ultimate target.

This wouldn't be the first time in the past year that a Government blamed another for some quasi-natural phenomenon. Remember when the swirling lights in the air above Switzerland were purported as being a Russian missile test?

What about when the country Georgia blamed Russia for one of its earthquakes?

This futuristic weaponry isn't going where I'd hoped. I mean, where's the space station the size of a moon that can destroy entire planets? Rattling the earth's crust in the third world is a bit lackluster.

I hope Hollywood picks this up and runs with it. Imagine the trailer - "In a world where the very ground fears the military, only one overweight dictator has the cajones to stand up to an evil government. Horatio Sanz is Hugo Chavez in Tectonic Warfare: The Day the Earth Stopped Standing Still."

Another theory is that Haiti was being punished for a pact with the Devil that they used to secure independence. If that's the case, I recommend you find out if any 1970s rock stars live near you, and move away, because you may be the next collateral damage to an untimely smiting.

SOURCES:

Real Clear Politics

CNN - Pat Robertson Reveals Haiti's Pact with the Devil