Fairytale America, Part II: NASA Nymphs vs. Lunar Lycanthropes

Last week it was revealed that the U.S. Government is not only living in a fairytale, it’s bringing mythology to the masses, whether we like it or not.

The saga continues as an age old feud resurfaces.

It all started when NASA announced that a rocket will be sent to the moon

with no intention to land. It is meant to impact with the lunar surface (which is a shame, since the 1969 moon landed was a hoax, and Tom Hanks wasn’t able to touch down in Apollo 13, it would have been nice for us to try a third time before giving up and destroying the darn thing.)

It’s no lie, people. NASA will “blow up the moon…a little.” Couple this with the fact that America has a Death Star, and the mind wanders into the science fiction realm. For a while I theorized that liberal scientists would destroy the other heav

enly bodies in our solar system, sending Earth on an inertial jaunt through space, in search of clues to prove the Big Bang and shut up Ben Stein.

But the real conspiracy is more fiction than science fiction, and is much closer to home.

Ever since Revelation13.net (the crazy lady that said Terminator is the key to solving homicide) opened my mind to new vistas of reality, I’ve been convinced that Hollywood is behind almost everything….even the Government.

And Tinseltown’s infatuation with Vampires has grown over the years. In the time of black and white movies, the first vampire flick, Nosferatu, portrayed Vampires as vile abominations. The blood drinkers couldn’t stand such bad PR, and decided to change their appearance. They infiltrated the movie industry and changed the way we view vamps.

***TALK ABOUT AN EXTREME MAKEOVER***

Nowadays Vampires are shown as sexy youngsters just trying to get along with society. The newfound cultural acceptance allowed for lobbying for Vampire rights.

Then affirmative action quotas required the hiring of a minimum number of Vampires into civil service positions. Once in the Government, they simply have to bide their time. (If you think it’s hard getting rid of a regular Government employee, try one who’s immortal.)

But Vampires’ sworn enemies are werewolves; why on earth would they care about space?

Here it comes…

Vampires have taken over NASA and are going to destroy the moon so that their werewolf rivals can’t spawn new offspring.

Per werewolf lore: “…it was said that a man could turn into a werewolf if he…slept outside on a summer night with the full moon shining directly on his face…

“Involuntary werewolves…are werewolves by an accident of birth or health. In some cultures, individuals born during a new moon or suffering from epilepsy were considered likely to be werewolves.”

Destroying the moon sounds like some serious Health Care reform. Is our new president a Vampire?

You decide. But to all of you who say there’s no such thing as black Vampires...

NEXT WEEK: Ali Baba and the 535 Thieves.

SOURCES:
NASA TO BLOW UP MOON
WEREWOLF LORE
SOME ASIAN GUY

Fairytale America, Part I: Hansel's Housing Hullabaloo

Given the current crises, you'd would be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't believe that members of the Government live in their own fairytale world.  But few know just how serious the matter is.

I think it's time for a...THESIS STATEMENT.

Behind the scenes of the U.S. Government is a secret cabal bent on making fairy tales and mythology a reality to the taxpayers.  

Stay with me; let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

We'll start this off with something new to CTT: an actual, well-documented, widespread conspiracy theory.  Bohemian Grove in Northern California has long been a retreat for the global elite.  The local free press claims, "The membership list has included every Republican U.S. president (as well as some Democrats) since 1923, many cabinet officials, and director; & CEO's of large corporations, including major financial institutions."

It remained quite secretive, but pictures and video have leaked showing every sort of vice imaginable, including worship of (and sacrifice to) a giant owl.

"Oh great wise one, this is Dubya.  Ya really boned up this economic thingy.  But Dick says yer big and made of rock, so we should trust ya.  So I still love ya.  Hey Barack, quit spankin' GM's CEO and come check out this big bird."

This isn't evidence the crazies in Washington (and Cairo, Hong Kong,  London...) are trying to make US live in a fairytale, is it?

The most well known cause of the economic meltdown was overspending by consumers on their houses, and the lack of any business or Government intervention to schwack those consumers on the hand and say, "Live within your means!"  So it would stand to reason since we've all learned our lesson, at least we wouldn't be making the same mistakes.  

Oops.  

Anecdotal evidence abounds with RECENT (the past month) examples of consumers being approved for FHA mortgage loans with payments at 55% of their gross income. Conventional wisdom exerts that no more than 30% of your NET income should be spent on your house payment.  Apparently giant owl wisdom is still at the helm of our Government-run 'free' market.

Why on earth would the Government want their citizens to spend all of their money on their houses? Once they make us buy expensive houses, pay for illegal immigrant health care, and fund Government takeovers of business; how will we eat?!  

Given its stance on our finances, and the push towards 'sustainable' building materials, the answer is clear.  We're supposed to eat our houses.

REVISED THESIS STATEMENT:  Behind the scenes of the U.S. Government is a secret cabal bent on making fairy tales and mythology a reality to the taxpayers; more specifically, taxpayers are being forced to live in gingerbread houses.  

Need proof?  Check out this latest housing development in the outskirts of Denver.

Next Week: NASA Nymphs vs. Lunar Lycanthropes 

SOURCES:

Sonoma County Free Press

Bohemian Grove Exposed!

Wikipedia: Bohemian Grove