Putin It All Together: Apocalypse Now!-ish

Even before Hollywood tried to capitalize on the phenomenon, the conspiring underground knew the truth: the Mayan Calendar ends in December, 2012, meaning the end of the world. Don't scoff, the Mayans got a lot of things right, like the concept of zero.

As I was pondering the ramifications of so soon an end, I glanced over at my Dilbert Desk Calendar, which ceases in the year 2010. Could it be? Has cartoonist Scott Adams more accurately predicted our end? Don't scoff, he got a lot of things right, like the evil liberal intent of investor Warren Buffet as covered by CNN. In his own words, the cartoonist writes,

"One clear sign of the End Time is when the media starts publishing my opinions on the economy."

So maybe there's more to this 2010 prediction than meets the eye.

Our friend at Revelation13.net (yeah, the crazy lady who thinks Terminator's plot is enough to prove Scott Peterson 'not guilty') has some helpful insight into the year ending in 2010. Hold on tight.

First, why do you believe the world will end in 2010?

"November 8 2003, during a lunar eclipse, there was a hexagon astrology pattern (6 sides, as in 666) that I relate to the Antichrist [Vladimir] Putin. This I think began the 7 year End Times Events which ends in Nov. 2010."

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooow...more than I bargained for. This is what we call CTT gold.

Not only will the world end in 2010, but we know this because the biblical 7-year End Times started in 2003, which we know because six stars shone brighter than some others during some eclipse.

But what does Vladimir Putin have to do with this, and why is she so sure he's the Antichrist? It's all about the numbers.

"1998=666x3, and 1999 has 666 upside down, and 666 is the number of the Antichrist (also called The Beast) in Revelation 13, I believe these numbers are connected with his appearance in year 2000 (as Russia's President Putin), and there will be a powerful satanic influence in the world (related to Putin) in 2009-2010, that relates to the rise of the Antichrist Putin."

Ok. 1998 and 1999 were signs of Putin's rise to power in the year 2000. Therefore he's going to bring the world down. I can live with that. But for the naysayers out there, how about a little more proof?

Behold! Oh, does this need a little explanation? Sadly, little help is found on the site. But from what I gathered, Russia is shaped like an animal, minus the snout. And this lady puts a lot of stock in a country's shape and its destiny (don't worry, I'm saving it for a glorious CTT in the future). The yellow triangle (Belarus) is the potential snout, which would complete The Beast.

"It is possible that Belarus may unify with Russia, so it is shown in the drawing."

So look out, folks. If Belarus and Russia join forces, it's SO on. Until then, we're safe. What's that? Russia and Belarus are already engaged in multiple treaties and agreements? Uh oh...

And what of Putin?

"The little horn" is a name for the Antichrist from the Book of Daniel...so St. Petersburg Russia is where this little horn of the red beast has grown...(note Putin's small size).

Oh snap, she went there! But wait, Putin's not small, he's ripped! Look at this recent photo!

This could debunk the whole theory, upon which so much rested!

It's ok, hold it together Revelation13.net, we still have our basic theory. Stay the course. The world's going to end in November 2010, NOT December 2012. Just stick with that, and we're good.

"But I think an event frequently discussed in Biblical Prophecy called "The Rapture" will not occur...supposedly "The Rapture" would occur during or just before the rule of the Antichrist, and would be an instantaneous disappearance of millions of Christians around the world...I think we are in the seven year End Times beginning in Nov. 2003, but the Rapture will not occur...Or it could be that The Rapture is caused by a [Hadron Collider]-created Black Hole eating earth and all the people on it, possibly in December 2012."

What?!?! Make up your mind!

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For those of you counting, that's the second shirtless photo of a European leader. And it doesn't mean ANYTHING!

Need help spreading the word? Email conspiracytheorythursday at gmail.com for tips on how to make your peers, friends and family more paranoid!

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SOURCES:

http://revelation13.net/http://naviny.by/rubrics/inter/2009/08/06/ic_articles_259_163890/

http://www.cnbc.com/id/28511421

http://www.dilbert.com/blog/entry/sign_of_the_end_time/

http://revelation13.net/KingJames6c.html

Terminator Revelation

This weekend sees the arrival of Terminator Salvation on the big screen. The unwashed masses long for this event in order to live vicariously through John Connor, who has finally moved out from underneath a robot's shadow and for the first time in four movies will do something other than run like a girl. The enlightened few, however, have longed for the debut to get the answer to a mystery.

And Terminator delivers! Finally, thanks to this movie, we'll know...

...who killed Laci Peterson!

Unexpected? Hang on tight.

"Concerning the Laci Peterson case, I think that Scott is innocent, and that Laci was abducted and murdered by a Satanic cult."

But how do you know that?

"[I]n the "Terminator" movies,"

::SCREECHING HALT:: WHOA. HOLD UP.

That's right. This person's confident that "Terminator" holds the clues to this cold case. I'm sorry, crazy one, do go on.

"[I]n the "Terminator" movies, note that John Connor is the name of the saviour of the world hero born to a woman, who the Terminator robot from the future is after; note that Laci's unborn son was to be named Conner, another coincidence that could be significant."

::digesting...::

"And note that the movie "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" was in theatres in July 2003, and Terminator 3 focuses on John Connor; and in July 2003 the Laci Peterson case was in the news."

Compelling. Oh, there's more?

"And it is interesting that The Terminator Arnold is now governor of California."

...

"And in this Scott Peterson case, a major legal issue appears to be whether the death of Laci's unborn son should be considered a second homicide. This introduces the politically important issue of whether death of a fetus can be considered murder."

Am I missing something?

"Also, Laci's last name, Peterson: it was Peter who was Christ's disciple who built the Church. And Laci's maiden name, Rocha: note it is similar to the word "Rock"."

I think we've wandered from the case. But by now, you're clearly convinced that the Terminator franchise has led us to crucial information on this case. Ok, well, no relevant facts or leads were uncovered using the Terminator. The link to the satanic cult was actually uncovered using the Bible Code.

For those unfamiliar with the Bible Code, you can set this software to search the letters of biblical text in any assorted range, direction, order, and interval to find random meaningless word clusters. It's like a "Find a Word" puzzle for the paranoid. Here's what Revelation13.net found:

"The King James Bible code matrix below was made by using an ELS (skip) range of -10000 to 10000, and searching the Old Testament. These words were found in a matrix cluster at ELS = -2178, in Ezekiel 39-42. Notice that these words are in this matrix: PETERSON (vertically backwards), SCOTT, LACI, SATAN, DEMON. That makes sense if there is a Satanic connection to this case. Also in the matrix are other words that are relevant: DRINK BLOOD (a possible Satanic activity), CAPTIVITY, TO SLAY, FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, THE VISION, PALM TREE, THE VALLEY, THE MOUNTAINS (California has Palm trees, valleys, and mountains), THE EARTH SHALL SHAKE (California has frequent earthquakes)."

Why didn't I think of that?! Since the Bible was already searched, I'm going to search Christian Bale's explicit rant on the set of Terminator Salvation, in which he spouts curses at a crew member for fixing the lighting during filming. I was able to snag letters from the transcript and create a string of words: DONUT, FRESH CHERRIES, FRESH SQUEEZED TROPICANA PULP-FREE ORANGE JUICE WITH CALCIUM

How did Christian Bale predict my breakfast for today?!

Laci Peterson's investigation occurred as Terminator 3 was debuting. And what about another Peterson woman murder where the husband is the suspect? On the eve of Terminator 4's release, police just found what they believe to be the remains of Stacy Peterson, believed to be murdered by her husband Drew.

Could it get any weirder? Anyone? People Magazine?

"One of the characters "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" was nearly named Scott Peterson -- just like the Modesto, Calif., man charged with killing his wife Laci and their unborn son, reports the Associated Press.

Instead, that name was changed to Scott Mason -- although in an interview appearing in Britain, actor Mark Famiglietti, who plays Mason in T3, said filming was finished four months before Laci Peterson was reported missing."

Man, this week's post started as comedy, but ended with an eerie shudder.


SOURCES:

Revelation13
People
Christian Bale Rant Transcript
Peterson Body Found