Falling Far From the Apple Tree

I really wanted to put something together about the Antichrist after seeing this idol of Michelle Obama that's floating out there. I think that gives whole new meaning to the woman who rides the Beast.

Also, I would love to see a live video of the people of BeastObama.com and Revelation13.net debating whether Obama or Putin are the Antichrist.

But I couldn't get my mind off the battle brewing in Silicon Valley. Could hints in a NatGeo article spell doom for the cyber (and real) world?

National Geographic posted an article titled "Isaac Newton: Who He Was, Why Google Apples Are Falling." I'm sure you're thinking, "Google? Apples?" But last week when you went to Google's site an apple would fall from a tree and 'plink' under the search bar. Typically these special home pages denote big events (100 years of humans in flight, Dick Clark turns 1,000, Adam Lambert's out of the closet), but this was to celebrate Newton's 367th birthday.

Ever since I saw National Treasure I knew Isaac Newton was embroiled in conspiracy. Think about it. Some puny scientist defines the laws of our cosmos then gets entombed in a cathedral, now all of a sudden we're celebrating his birthday?

What's the one class of citizens whose birthdays NEVER get celebrated? (besides Jehovah's Witnesses) The Dead. So I think that Sir Isaac Newton was cryogenically frozen by the Jesuits and recently defrosted by Google so they can try their new Android phone technology on him. I imagine he's going to look like Lando Calrissian's sidekick Lobot with a couple Google phones attached to his head.

He's probably sitting in a cubicle in San Jose right now, all zombie-fied, amazed by our society, and wondering why he can't drink the iBeer on his iPhone.

And Google wanted to flaunt it to Apple, with whom they're recently fallen out of sorts. Read that article here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/03/AR2009080300785.html. The apple falling on Google's site is symbolic of their intent to make Apple fall. Google's been slowly positioning themselves to overrun Apple, and now they've got the ace in the hole (once ol' Newton goes ahead and defines some new laws of thermodynamics or something).

This could be scary for our future. What other members of society has the Vatican preserved? Michael Jackson? (I hear he's really good with the altar boys.) Kevin Costner? (In order to be a guide when they open Holy Water World.)

What? Kevin Costner's still alive?

A Match Made in Yavin

An unholy alliance grows strong, the likes of which could only occur in the San Francisco Bay Area (or Vermont, or New Hampshire…anyway, this story is happening in Frisco).

Corporations no doubt hold more sway over our society than they did 100 years ago. That must be why Obama is jealous of powerful companies and is trying to catch ‘em all like Pokemon (another rant for another day).

But what would happen if two global moneymaking powers combined? How much more strongly could they control the world economy? And what if they found a way to do it without the Government being able to stop them?

Those fears have been realized…

What we’re talking about here is a vile union of two entities which will rock the foundations of our minds.

Steve Jobs and George Lucas have been having a love affair since 1983!

Let’s look at a few facts:

1. After Return of the Jedi in 1983 everything else he’s put out has made it obvious that George Lucas has been *ahem* distracted.

2. Love has a way of clouding business judgments. Lucas sold Pixar to Jobs over twenty years ago = DUMB MOVE. Why did he do it? Supposedly “to pay off his ex-wife.” Seriously? We’re supposed to believe that in 1984 George wasn’t making enough money from Ewok merchandise? Why do you think he got divorced in the first place? His wife probably found a black turtleneck under George’s pillow.

3. The only computer games made for Mac seem to be made by Blizzard (Warcraft, Starcraft, WoW) and LucasArts games (Lego [insert marketable movie franchise here]).

4. My iPhone won’t correct half the words I spell wrong, but it always capitalizes Jedi. (Yeah, I text the word Jedi a lot.)

5. The iPhone is becoming strikingly similar to the Star Wars all-in-one handheld touchscreen device: the datapad.

6. Jobs seems to be dying every other week, yet he always mysteriously comes back. CONCLUSION: George Lucas is either dunking him in a tank of the cure-all solution ‘bacta,’ or he’s got the Kaminoans pumping out clone after clone of Steve.

7. Wait a sec…clone after clone of one man so that he could be more ever-present for his lover…where does that sound familiar? Well, Lucas’ special effects guru for Star Wars—Richard Edlund—left the company in 1983, but he did the special effects cloning of Michael Keaton in Multiplicity! Richard must have taken some secret knowledge from Industrial Light and Magic when he left…

This begs the question…

Why fall in love to consolidate power instead of merging companies (aside from that being how they did it in ancient society)?? Anti-trust laws. The Government won’t knowingly allow that merger, so Steve and George have to be subtle about it. So a whole different kind of ‘partnership’ is the route they chose.

If they’re in love, why not just TIE the knot?? (SW fans, you’re welcome for the pun.) Well, for the time being, California can’t decide whether gay marriage is allowed or not, so they’re biding their time.

Such creative, odd couple would surely have an unconventional, cutting edge love child. With a history of pioneering computer-generated images…oh my…it’s Jar Jar Binks!

Next week: What this union means for you!

SOURCES:
Why Lucas sold Pixar