Thursday, January 14, 2010

Falling Far From the Apple Tree

I really wanted to put something together about the Antichrist after seeing this idol of Michelle Obama that's floating out there. I think that gives whole new meaning to the woman who rides the Beast.

Also, I would love to see a live video of the people of and debating whether Obama or Putin are the Antichrist.

But I couldn't get my mind off the battle brewing in Silicon Valley. Could hints in a NatGeo article spell doom for the cyber (and real) world?

National Geographic posted an article titled "Isaac Newton: Who He Was, Why Google Apples Are Falling." I'm sure you're thinking, "Google? Apples?" But last week when you went to Google's site an apple would fall from a tree and 'plink' under the search bar. Typically these special home pages denote big events (100 years of humans in flight, Dick Clark turns 1,000, Adam Lambert's out of the closet), but this was to celebrate Newton's 367th birthday.

Ever since I saw National Treasure I knew Isaac Newton was embroiled in conspiracy. Think about it. Some puny scientist defines the laws of our cosmos then gets entombed in a cathedral, now all of a sudden we're celebrating his birthday?

What's the one class of citizens whose birthdays NEVER get celebrated? (besides Jehovah's Witnesses) The Dead. So I think that Sir Isaac Newton was cryogenically frozen by the Jesuits and recently defrosted by Google so they can try their new Android phone technology on him. I imagine he's going to look like Lando Calrissian's sidekick Lobot with a couple Google phones attached to his head.

He's probably sitting in a cubicle in San Jose right now, all zombie-fied, amazed by our society, and wondering why he can't drink the iBeer on his iPhone.

And Google wanted to flaunt it to Apple, with whom they're recently fallen out of sorts. Read that article here: The apple falling on Google's site is symbolic of their intent to make Apple fall. Google's been slowly positioning themselves to overrun Apple, and now they've got the ace in the hole (once ol' Newton goes ahead and defines some new laws of thermodynamics or something).

This could be scary for our future. What other members of society has the Vatican preserved? Michael Jackson? (I hear he's really good with the altar boys.) Kevin Costner? (In order to be a guide when they open Holy Water World.)

What? Kevin Costner's still alive?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Manchurian Candidate

The public debate (if there ever was one) over President Barack Obama's citizenship--and thus legitimacy as Commander in Chief--has long cooled. It doesn't make the news and you won't see people protesting it.

Then my inbox got hit with this:

"In a move certain to fuel the debate over Obama's qualifications for the presidency, the group 'Americans for Freedom of Information' has Released copies of President Obama's college transcripts from Occidental College. Released today, the transcript school indicates that Obama, under the name Barry Soetoro, received financial aid as a foreign student from Indonesia as an undergraduate. The transcript was released by Occidental College in compliance with a court order in a suit brought by the group in the Superior Court of California. The transcript shows that Obama (Soetoro) applied for financial aid and was awarded a fellowship for foreign students from the Fulbright Foundation Scholarship program. "

The email goes on to explain that not only does the scholarship (available only to foreign students) prove that Obama's not a natural born U.S. citizen, but it exerts that the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case and determine whether we've got an imposter on our hands.

At first I thought, "Now we're getting somewhere." Because, love him or hate him, you need to know for sure if your president meets the minimum requirements for the job.

Then I decided to check up on the legitimacy of this email. I was quickly met with an onslaught of facts disproving virtually every fact in the email. EVERY fact. Basically the only thing that they got right was that the President's name is Barack Obama and he went to college.

So there's this half-baked chain email (that originated on April Fool's Day, no less) conspiring to bring about anger against the Commander in Chief. But I think there are darker purposes at work.

I'm fairly certain that the White House staff originated this email. Why? The email serves to console "birthers" into a sense that the issue is taken care of, that little else needs to be done, that the conflict will be resolved in due time. And if you don't know that the email's a hoax, then you'll likely forget about the issue and wait to hear about on the news (or in another mass email forward.) They're breeding complacency!

Don't tell me you're not complacent about this; two years ago people wouldn't gloss over the fact that George W. Bush lacked a mastery of the English language, but now everyone glosses over that fact that Obama may lack legitimate claim to the Presidency.

Then second part of this evil conspiracy is (all silliness aside): WHY DON'T YOU JUST PROVIDE PROOF THAT YOU'RE ELIGIBLE TO BE PRESIDENT OR STEP DOWN?! I mean, a military retiree with a military ID card can't even get a menial job without completing the I-9 form. The American people at best are being disregarded and at worst are being tricked, deceived, and led by an imposter.