Conspiracy Feary Friday: Beakman's World of Horror

In the latest of catastrophes, scientists claim that the earth's axis may have shifted due to the Chilean earthquake. The effect?

"The 8.8-magnitude earthquake near Chile may have also made our planet's days shorter."

Whoever is creating these earthquakes is speeding up the passage of time to bring about the future sooner.

In an earlier post I highlighted Hugo Chavez's claims that it's the U.S. Government. I'm not so convinced that this is the case.

I'll ask you to please CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

Bill Nye The Science Guy is now a science consultant for CNN. (Yeah, really.) CNN loves the U.S. Government (at least the current administration). Bill Nye is one of the good guys (come on, he wears a bow tie!)

But who was the antithesis of Nye? The Hyde to his Jekyll?

That's right...Beakman. But why would Beakman try to bring about the end of the world?

Well, despite being funnier, more energetic, having better characters, and being on CBS's Saturday Morning lineup, Nye still had better ratings and stood the test of time (in children's programming, 4 years really is the test of time).

Beakman got jealous. So he started messing with science at the very core.

He started attacking the official gram, making it lose mass so that science would unravel.

I believe he started global warming to get back at those two heckling penguins that watched his show, too.

And now he's created some sort earthquake generator to shorten the days of earth. Well, maybe he just had his henchman Lester the rat jump up and down.

SOURCES:

NY Daily News

CNN - Proof Nye is a Consultant

Drink Coke, Inch'Allah

Oh, man, is this a good one!

"Extremist Moslems have not dropped their allegations that Pepsi Cola is essentially the code name for a Zionist plot."

Yeah, I bet you didn't know those allegations existed, huh?! Well, they do. And Coca-Cola marketers--I mean Muslim clerics--aren't letting up. Because when you buy Pepsi you're really committing to "Pay Every Penny to Save Israel," according to terrorist group Hamas MP Salem Salamah.

"Cleric Abu Ismail all but called for a Muslim boycott of Pepsi because it stands for ‘Pay Every Penny Saving Israel.’"

Abu Ismail said a penny is “one-thousandth of a dollar.”

Oh, Abu, you blew it. A thousandth of a dollar? Really?

But then The Xenohistorian puts it into perspective, and my paranoid brain starts churning...

Hey says, "You could have fooled me. A better case can be made for Pepsi backing Barack Obama. Yesterday I saw the current Pepsi logo on a sign, in front of the country store I drive past on the way to work every day, and at first I thought it was the Obama logo sideways."

And then I find out that there are allegations that under Obama the Missile Defense logo has changed. Let's take a look.

Looks a lot like the Islamic symbol, no?

Wait, come to think of it. Doesn't a Coca-Cola bottle look a lot like a Scud Missile?

Oh man, does that mean that the swirling lights in Switzerland in December really WERE a Russian missile test? Is there an Obama-Russian-Muslim-Coke conspiracy?!?!

No wonder Tom Cruise is spending millions of dollars for a bomb shelter. He's not hiding from aliens, like this article suggests, but rather hiding from the coming doom here on earth.

SOURCES:

The Atlantic Wire

Xenohistorian

Israel National News

This London

That Ain't No Piece of Ash!

So, Joe Biden appears yesterday with a big ole liver spot or something on his forehead, and freaks us all out. "We just got past done with a constantly-dying VP with Cheney, now another one?" we woefully cried.

Then everyone clamored to clear it up. Everyone from the White House to the media, even the blogosphere quickly explained that it was from Ash Wednesday, and Biden was a Catholic. Not even addressing the fact that his politics don't exactly fit the doctrine of Christianity (Catholic or otherwise), I'm not so convinced that this mysterious mark on his brow can be explained by Ash.

Exhibit A: The ashes are supposed to be placed in the mark of a cross, as depicted below.

So unless his priest was lazy (perhaps a temp priest hired with stimulus funds?), I don't buy the ash bit.

I don't have an Exhibit B.

What is the Government hiding?! What's going on with Biden's fivehead?! Not convinced that something's going on behind the scenes? Consider this: An expert believes Joe Biden has had botox injections in his forehead.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Go here for the full story.

But what for? Why the forehead cover-up? Why not just wear a hat, or put a huge flag pin in the front of his dome?

Is his inner thetan coming out? If so, why is he trying to put it back in?

I need your help! What's going on?

As before, your theories are worth something to me. Every comment of substance (and if you read this blog you know I use that term liberally) between now and Easter will enter you to win the next big prize. Last time it was the Little Book of Conspiracies, which Mothergoose won. I have a picture of him/her graciously holding up the book, but by the time I put a mosaic blur over his/her face, body, clothing, and surroundings in order to protect his/her identity, it was little more than a picture of the book.

SOURCES:
CBS

Huffington Post

Hugo, Why You Gotta Be So Haiti?

Let's all welcome Hugo Chavez to the list of most famous Conspiracy Theorists. He recently blamed the U.S. Government for the earthquake in Haiti, claiming that the Navy launched a tectonic weapon. He states that this was only a test, and that once the weapon is refined, Iran will be the ultimate target.

This wouldn't be the first time in the past year that a Government blamed another for some quasi-natural phenomenon. Remember when the swirling lights in the air above Switzerland were purported as being a Russian missile test?

What about when the country Georgia blamed Russia for one of its earthquakes?

This futuristic weaponry isn't going where I'd hoped. I mean, where's the space station the size of a moon that can destroy entire planets? Rattling the earth's crust in the third world is a bit lackluster.

I hope Hollywood picks this up and runs with it. Imagine the trailer - "In a world where the very ground fears the military, only one overweight dictator has the cajones to stand up to an evil government. Horatio Sanz is Hugo Chavez in Tectonic Warfare: The Day the Earth Stopped Standing Still."

Another theory is that Haiti was being punished for a pact with the Devil that they used to secure independence. If that's the case, I recommend you find out if any 1970s rock stars live near you, and move away, because you may be the next collateral damage to an untimely smiting.

SOURCES:

Real Clear Politics

CNN - Pat Robertson Reveals Haiti's Pact with the Devil

Great California Shakedown

Today every Californian is urged to participate in the Great California Shakeout. On the program's website, here's what they claim:

"At 10:15 a.m. on October 15, 2009, millions of Californians will participate in the largest earthquake drill ever!

The purpose of the ShakeOut is to practice how to protect ourselves during earthquakes, and to get prepared at work, school, and home."

Seems simple enough. How do I participate? Individuals are urged to:

"Do a 'hazard hunt'" - this means clear your home of any obstacles, and secure items which may fall.

"Store at least one gallon of water per person, per day, for 3 days and ideally for 2 weeks. What else would you need to be on your own for up to two weeks?" - so you should consolidate foodstuffs, water, and survival items in one easy to grab place.

"Identify your building's weaknesses...Ask a local earthquake retrofitting contractor for a free structural inspection of your home or building" - Hmmm...

And then at 10:15 you're all supposed to do this:

Does this scare anyone else?

You're supposed to clear your house of obstacles, identify it's weaknesses and tell them to a third party, consolidate valuables, then hide at 10:15? I believe the State of California has contracted with retrofitting contractors statewide to ransack your homes all at the same time.

That's the only way they'll be able to balance the budget and return the economy to a state of normalcy. Of course, that means you'll be out several gallons of water and many boxes of Twinkies (and probably a Nintendo DS).

I, for one, will NOT hide under my desk (because I'm already in my bomb shelter quaking).

If you really want to be prepared for catastrophe, watch Zombieland.

Cue Ball is Back!

Not only is NASA accused of blowing up the moon for the sake of werewolf haters, it seems our apprentice theorist (who we’ll call Agent Cue Ball from now on) has uncovered yet another link between NASA and dirty deeds…

“BREAKING NEWS!! For those who have read my recent article exposing the Illuminati and their plan to take over using wind turbines another level of their plan has been discovered. The wind turbines were just the tip of the perpetual ice berg after further investigation I have found that their reach extends far past the eco-friendly populists (we’ll get to that in a minute). They have even infiltrated the agency called NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Mission) which after much investigation I have found out is really a shell company for the Illuminati. The agency’s true name is Need Another Secret Account!

That’s right the organization that “claims” to be researching air and space is actually a giant money laundering scheme. Little by little and much to their frustration the Illuminati begins to be more and more exposed to the public eye. With this they have found a need to secretly hide more of their money. What better way to do it than launder it through the federal government.

They have set up an agency in which they can transfer large amounts of money unbeknownst to the average person, have it cleaned, stored in a secret account and then make withdrawals at will to fund their diabolical plans of world control. After sending their money here it comes out cleaner than it would have it Billy Mays had used Oxy Clean on it.

Now on to the expansion of their wind project. I recently exposed their wind turbine plan but it goes far deeper than that.

As was exposed last week they not only are at work with wind turbines but also laboratories, wind tunnels and control rooms. It is in these control rooms that they hold their secret meetings where they decide who will get the good wind, who gets the bad, and who will get no wind at all. By controlling the wind they are just one step closer to controlling all the elements and with that the entire world.

I was also able to uncover this, the following was taken from NASA’s own website:

‘NASA headquarters, in Washington, provides overall guidance and direction to the agency, under the leadership of the Administrator. Ten field centers and a variety of installations conduct the day-to-day work, in laboratories, on air fields, in wind tunnels and control rooms.’

Here is it plain as day and they don’t even try to hide it! It was once said that if you want to hide something leave it in plain sight, anyone who is looking for it will expect it to be hidden so they will bypass anything that is left out in the open. This is exactly what they are doing. Rather than try to hide and/or bury their sinister plot under layers of bureaucracy, red tape and secret classifications they instead post in on the internet for everyone to see.

To make matters worse they have their head quarters in Washington D.C., our nation’s capitol. They even go as far as to state they it is from here that they receive their overall guidance and direction under the leadership of the “Administrator”. Who is this individual and what “guidance” is being given out? The plot seems to deepen more and more as additional secrets come to light. (No pun intended)

SOURCES: http://www.nasa.gov/about/highlights/what_does_nasa_do.html”

Well done, young one.

------

Got a theory? Send it to: conspiracytheorythursday at gmail.com.

At Risk: Our Last Line of Defense

A fellow theorist from the underground has submitted his thoughts to the masses.

"The government wants you to go green because it’s better for the environment but what they don’t tell you is that it’s also better for them. Everything seems to be recycled nowadays, everything from cardboard and newspapers to bottles, can and aluminum foil. Wait, did you just say aluminum foil?! That’s right the only weapon available to stop the opposing forces from scanning the inside of your homes, mind and body is now being made from recycled material!

What does that mean in the fight against crime, the fight to maintain your privacy, your personal thoughts and PIN number for your ATM card? I’ll tell you what it means – it means that they have finally infiltrated our defense system. Oh they claim that it’s just as good as the original but let’s take a look at look at what they actually have to say about it.

Is Reynolds Wrap® Foil from 100% Recycled Aluminum safe to use?

Aluminum foil made from recycled aluminum is as clean and safe to use as foil made from new, also referred to as virgin, aluminum. The process of melting down the recycled aluminum requires heating the metal to more than 1200°F, which burns off any debris in the metal. Once it turns into a molten liquid, the aluminum is sent through a filtration process, poured and rolled into thin sheets.

Did you read the same thing that I just did? During the process the metal is heated to more than 1200 degrees Fahrenheit which burns off any debris in the metal. What they neglect to tell you is that it also alters the molecular structure of the aluminum foil so that their hi-tech radar can now be used against us! You may as well be lining your house and hats with saran wrap because they are going to see everything anyway. With the molecular structure altered the aluminum foil still has that nice shiny look but that’s all it has. It’s defensive properties have been stripped away like a stripper with a g-string. You may think that you are covered but you are really baring it all for everyone to see.

Go green is really code for “We have finally broken your defenses and you will be assimilated, resistance is futile. Do as Public Enemy once said and “Don’t believe the hype!” Flavor Flav knew all along that is why he plated his teeth and wore that protective gear (clocks), he was keeping himself safe from the rays. Everyone laughed and called him crazy yet it is he who is having the last laugh.

So I tell you don’t go green on recycled aluminum foil, insist on the original, it’s the only way to ensure your safety and freedom of having free will."

That sounds scary. Worst of all is the fact that Flavor-Flav figured it out and we didn't! Maybe he knows something. Is he in on it? We all know that Jay-Z is in the Illuminati, so perhaps multi-generational hip-hop 'artists' are onto something, or up to something...

SOURCES:

A crazy theorist.

CTT Special: Conspiracy Feary Friday

It may be tough to swallow, but on the eighth anniversary of 9/11, Charlie Sheen is chomping at the bit to have a new investigation into the events of September 11th. He claims to have plenty of proof that it was an inside job, and you can read it at the link below.

I personally think a more seasoned conspiracy theorist should have taken up the mantle and champion this cause, like me. Besides, Charlie's ex (Denise Richards) says he's way to coked out of his mind, and actually divorced him partially on the grounds of his 9/11 conspiracy theory.

Regardless, check out the mock interview with Barack Obama.

SOURCE:

20 Minutes with the President
Charlie Sheen Demands Obama's Attention

Direct Attack on CTT!

I sent a beacon out earlier, and am now able to follow up. CTT is under direct attack. Someone knows how I'm getting my message out and they're attempting to silence me. I tried logging on this morning and the computer just presented a black screen with a white cursor, then the monitor said "No signal."

It's no coincidence that this happened on a Thursday morning! I had to trudge through the depressed sprawl to get to another computer that works in order to inform you all to BEWARE! Followers, change your profile pictures and make sure your names don't give you away.

Even more ominous is the fact that minutes after this happened and I told a friend who works at an IT helpdesk, that friend sent me this message:

"I have a ticket in which the issue description reads, "Machine is getting to the boot menu and then it just stops, goes black, and monitor says, "No Signal."

As I sit in my secure bunker, broadcasting this out, I can't help but think the Government is out to get me. Ever since I severed all ties with the US Air Force, odd things like this have been happening. I left them around the time they started a Cyber Command, surely with covert missions to silence those of us who question the status quo in their society.

According to the Air Force Times, "Cyber Command is meant to coordinate computer network defense and, more controversially, offensive attacks on enemy networks. The goal, according to senior officials, is to be able to take control of adversary computer networks to thwart attacks or otherwise influence their behavior— either with or without that adversary realizing it."

On August 12, 2008, I separated from the Air Force. On the very next day, look what was in the news:

"The Pentagon this week delayed and may kill the Air Force’s nascent Cyber Command, according to a memo obtained by the Associated Press. This comes as Russia used a major computer network attack to begin its assault on Georgia."

But Cyber Command is alive and kicking, faithful. So what were they doing that day that gave everyone the impression they were standing down? They were poising themselves for an attack against ME! AP Reporters likely saw airmen cleaning out their desks and moving computers into trucks, and THOUGHT they were standing down, but in reality they were just relocated to an even MORE secret location.

I think this secret location is a potato field in Idaho...and I will be gathering information about this.

Nevertheless, you can't keep me down, Feds!

---

By the way, congratulations to mothergoose for winning the August contest. You are the proud recipient of a copy of The Little Book of Conspiracies.

---

SOURCES:

Air Force Times
Ominous Text Message

"...til Obama Takes the T-Bird Away."

President Obama’s not only secretly a Nazi turning nursing homes into death camps with his health care legislation; he’s trying to destroy our national defense. His first step: decommission the F-22 Raptor.

“Critics argue the F-22 is too costly and irrelevant to the wars of today. They note that it hasn't flown a single mission in Iraq or Afghanistan.”

The F-22 doesn’t need to fly in Afghanistan, because as I’ve revealed earlier, aliens taught us how to use video games to kill. With UAV technology, our pilots sit in air conditioned rooms in Northern California using joysticks to destroy the enemy, just like they’re on X-Box Live.

Aside from hating freedom and wanting us all dead, why would The Big O seek to get rid of such a sleek, sexy piece of destruction?

“Obama promised in his address to Congress to reform our defense budget so that we're not paying for Cold War-era weapons systems we don't use."

Oh, he was talking about the F-22? I thought that was reference to shoe phones and watch lasers.

There has to be something else at play. While doing my research, I found an odd phenomenon. Evidence of a mythologically large bird referred to by fellow theorists as The Thunderbird has gone missing. On par with Big Foot and Nessie for creepiness and mystery, The Thunderbird was a large bird believed to be a pterodactyl or similar creature.

An account exists about French workmen encountering one in 1856: “In the half-light of the tunnel, something monstrous stumbled toward the out of a great boulder of Jurassic limestone they had just split open. It fluttered its wings, croaked, and died at their feet.”

Pictures abound from the 1850s and 1860s of huge birds held up by men, lying at the feet of Civil War soldiers, and the like.

The most iconic picture, revered as proof of the creatures’ existence, has vanished! Now the underground is searching for the proof, and asking for help:

"At this point there are almost 20 members of ATS who have memories of seeing this image...If it's not real, why do so many people remember seeing it?...If you are reading this, please feel free to help aid in the search and to contribute any opinions, theories, and ESPECIALLY MEMORIES!!!!"

Theories abound as to how the pics could disappear…here’s my favorite:

“The theory that "some force" could have removed all evidence of any of these cryptids from the Internet may be believable. I'm sure somewhere on the planet there is someone gifted enough to remove something in its entirety from the Internet.

That force: Audacious Hope. The President wants to rid any evidence of his link to prehistoric bird creatures, especially the F-22 Raptor!

What’s Obama’s link to giant mythological birds? Why would he want to cover it up? Leave your theories in the COMMENTS section below. One lucky theories will win a copy of The Little Book of Conspiracies, delivered to you!

PS: Kudos to B for being the 13th follower of CTT! Such a [un]lucky position in the enlightened culture we have going here. Much will be required of you very soon...

SOURCES:

OBAMA to Can the F-22
Thunderbird Pic Search - ATS
Thunderbird Pic Search - Cryptomundo

A Match Made in Yavin

An unholy alliance grows strong, the likes of which could only occur in the San Francisco Bay Area (or Vermont, or New Hampshire…anyway, this story is happening in Frisco).

Corporations no doubt hold more sway over our society than they did 100 years ago. That must be why Obama is jealous of powerful companies and is trying to catch ‘em all like Pokemon (another rant for another day).

But what would happen if two global moneymaking powers combined? How much more strongly could they control the world economy? And what if they found a way to do it without the Government being able to stop them?

Those fears have been realized…

What we’re talking about here is a vile union of two entities which will rock the foundations of our minds.

Steve Jobs and George Lucas have been having a love affair since 1983!

Let’s look at a few facts:

1. After Return of the Jedi in 1983 everything else he’s put out has made it obvious that George Lucas has been *ahem* distracted.

2. Love has a way of clouding business judgments. Lucas sold Pixar to Jobs over twenty years ago = DUMB MOVE. Why did he do it? Supposedly “to pay off his ex-wife.” Seriously? We’re supposed to believe that in 1984 George wasn’t making enough money from Ewok merchandise? Why do you think he got divorced in the first place? His wife probably found a black turtleneck under George’s pillow.

3. The only computer games made for Mac seem to be made by Blizzard (Warcraft, Starcraft, WoW) and LucasArts games (Lego [insert marketable movie franchise here]).

4. My iPhone won’t correct half the words I spell wrong, but it always capitalizes Jedi. (Yeah, I text the word Jedi a lot.)

5. The iPhone is becoming strikingly similar to the Star Wars all-in-one handheld touchscreen device: the datapad.

6. Jobs seems to be dying every other week, yet he always mysteriously comes back. CONCLUSION: George Lucas is either dunking him in a tank of the cure-all solution ‘bacta,’ or he’s got the Kaminoans pumping out clone after clone of Steve.

7. Wait a sec…clone after clone of one man so that he could be more ever-present for his lover…where does that sound familiar? Well, Lucas’ special effects guru for Star Wars—Richard Edlund—left the company in 1983, but he did the special effects cloning of Michael Keaton in Multiplicity! Richard must have taken some secret knowledge from Industrial Light and Magic when he left…

This begs the question…

Why fall in love to consolidate power instead of merging companies (aside from that being how they did it in ancient society)?? Anti-trust laws. The Government won’t knowingly allow that merger, so Steve and George have to be subtle about it. So a whole different kind of ‘partnership’ is the route they chose.

If they’re in love, why not just TIE the knot?? (SW fans, you’re welcome for the pun.) Well, for the time being, California can’t decide whether gay marriage is allowed or not, so they’re biding their time.

Such creative, odd couple would surely have an unconventional, cutting edge love child. With a history of pioneering computer-generated images…oh my…it’s Jar Jar Binks!

Next week: What this union means for you!

SOURCES:
Why Lucas sold Pixar

Fairytale America, Part II: NASA Nymphs vs. Lunar Lycanthropes

Last week it was revealed that the U.S. Government is not only living in a fairytale, it’s bringing mythology to the masses, whether we like it or not.

The saga continues as an age old feud resurfaces.

It all started when NASA announced that a rocket will be sent to the moon

with no intention to land. It is meant to impact with the lunar surface (which is a shame, since the 1969 moon landed was a hoax, and Tom Hanks wasn’t able to touch down in Apollo 13, it would have been nice for us to try a third time before giving up and destroying the darn thing.)

It’s no lie, people. NASA will “blow up the moon…a little.” Couple this with the fact that America has a Death Star, and the mind wanders into the science fiction realm. For a while I theorized that liberal scientists would destroy the other heav

enly bodies in our solar system, sending Earth on an inertial jaunt through space, in search of clues to prove the Big Bang and shut up Ben Stein.

But the real conspiracy is more fiction than science fiction, and is much closer to home.

Ever since Revelation13.net (the crazy lady that said Terminator is the key to solving homicide) opened my mind to new vistas of reality, I’ve been convinced that Hollywood is behind almost everything….even the Government.

And Tinseltown’s infatuation with Vampires has grown over the years. In the time of black and white movies, the first vampire flick, Nosferatu, portrayed Vampires as vile abominations. The blood drinkers couldn’t stand such bad PR, and decided to change their appearance. They infiltrated the movie industry and changed the way we view vamps.

***TALK ABOUT AN EXTREME MAKEOVER***

Nowadays Vampires are shown as sexy youngsters just trying to get along with society. The newfound cultural acceptance allowed for lobbying for Vampire rights.

Then affirmative action quotas required the hiring of a minimum number of Vampires into civil service positions. Once in the Government, they simply have to bide their time. (If you think it’s hard getting rid of a regular Government employee, try one who’s immortal.)

But Vampires’ sworn enemies are werewolves; why on earth would they care about space?

Here it comes…

Vampires have taken over NASA and are going to destroy the moon so that their werewolf rivals can’t spawn new offspring.

Per werewolf lore: “…it was said that a man could turn into a werewolf if he…slept outside on a summer night with the full moon shining directly on his face…

“Involuntary werewolves…are werewolves by an accident of birth or health. In some cultures, individuals born during a new moon or suffering from epilepsy were considered likely to be werewolves.”

Destroying the moon sounds like some serious Health Care reform. Is our new president a Vampire?

You decide. But to all of you who say there’s no such thing as black Vampires...

NEXT WEEK: Ali Baba and the 535 Thieves.

SOURCES:
NASA TO BLOW UP MOON
WEREWOLF LORE
SOME ASIAN GUY

Fairytale America, Part I: Hansel's Housing Hullabaloo

Given the current crises, you'd would be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't believe that members of the Government live in their own fairytale world.  But few know just how serious the matter is.

I think it's time for a...THESIS STATEMENT.

Behind the scenes of the U.S. Government is a secret cabal bent on making fairy tales and mythology a reality to the taxpayers.  

Stay with me; let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

We'll start this off with something new to CTT: an actual, well-documented, widespread conspiracy theory.  Bohemian Grove in Northern California has long been a retreat for the global elite.  The local free press claims, "The membership list has included every Republican U.S. president (as well as some Democrats) since 1923, many cabinet officials, and director; & CEO's of large corporations, including major financial institutions."

It remained quite secretive, but pictures and video have leaked showing every sort of vice imaginable, including worship of (and sacrifice to) a giant owl.

"Oh great wise one, this is Dubya.  Ya really boned up this economic thingy.  But Dick says yer big and made of rock, so we should trust ya.  So I still love ya.  Hey Barack, quit spankin' GM's CEO and come check out this big bird."

This isn't evidence the crazies in Washington (and Cairo, Hong Kong,  London...) are trying to make US live in a fairytale, is it?

The most well known cause of the economic meltdown was overspending by consumers on their houses, and the lack of any business or Government intervention to schwack those consumers on the hand and say, "Live within your means!"  So it would stand to reason since we've all learned our lesson, at least we wouldn't be making the same mistakes.  

Oops.  

Anecdotal evidence abounds with RECENT (the past month) examples of consumers being approved for FHA mortgage loans with payments at 55% of their gross income. Conventional wisdom exerts that no more than 30% of your NET income should be spent on your house payment.  Apparently giant owl wisdom is still at the helm of our Government-run 'free' market.

Why on earth would the Government want their citizens to spend all of their money on their houses? Once they make us buy expensive houses, pay for illegal immigrant health care, and fund Government takeovers of business; how will we eat?!  

Given its stance on our finances, and the push towards 'sustainable' building materials, the answer is clear.  We're supposed to eat our houses.

REVISED THESIS STATEMENT:  Behind the scenes of the U.S. Government is a secret cabal bent on making fairy tales and mythology a reality to the taxpayers; more specifically, taxpayers are being forced to live in gingerbread houses.  

Need proof?  Check out this latest housing development in the outskirts of Denver.

Next Week: NASA Nymphs vs. Lunar Lycanthropes 

SOURCES:

Sonoma County Free Press

Bohemian Grove Exposed!

Wikipedia: Bohemian Grove