Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Economy Is Falling Down

(Sung to the tune of London Bridge)

The economy is falling down, falling down, falling down.
The economy is falling down, there goes freedom.

Yeah, that's not news, I know. But it seems like everyone is trying to bring capitalism down.

First Michael Moore (dude, standing in line for three days for a loaf of bread is not the only way to lose weight. Instead of trying to bring capitalism to an end, why don't you just follow Jared's lead?)

Then gift cards (retailers are taking away your power, America! It's not a free market if I have to spend those $25 in one place, especially if it's on the Apple's socialist iTunes.)

Now off the shelf software.

Buckle in, here we go.

First off, do you remember when it was reported that the 9/11 terror attackers learned how to fly with Microsoft's Flight Simulator?

It's happening again.

FoxNews reported today, "$26 off-the-shelf software is used to breach key weapons in Iraq, senior defense and intelligence officials said."

So that jihad-pop you bought from the terrorist ice cream man in November (only terrorist ice cream men drive around in November) for $5 funded nearly one-fifth the software purchase used to hack Predator drones and save terrorist lives. Next time go to Cold Stone.

Seriously, though, it took a little piece of commercially available software for terrorists to look through the eyes of U.S. drones and predict where they were headed, thus alerting enemies to get the F&#$ out of Dodge so they would live to die up another day. "Hey, you don't blow up my brother, only my cell phone remote detonating device gets to blow my brother up."

What do you think that means? Well, surely the U.S. Government will pucker up and create a new agency to police software sales. Now your son, the intraverted aspiring software developer, will have a Fed so far up his butt while he's programming Grand Theft Auto 9: Stories from Podunk Junction, the Ballad of John Boy, he'll just give up on the project due to lack of creative freedom. And without creative freedom at work, he might as well go to a Government job (probably at the agency overseeing his jerk of a boss so he can get back at him). And pretty soon all the jobs get insourced by the burgeoning Government until there aren't any corporations, just one big company: The United States of America.

How do we combat this? Like true Americans, by sitting around playing PS3. Besides, it'll probably all work out, right? Capitalism forever!


Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Fire in the Sky?

A swirling halo effect was seen over Oslo, Norway on December 9, 2009, around the time President Obama was accepting his Nobel Peace Prize for wanting Peace. (Man, that guy is such a strong HOPE proponent that he doesn't even have to DO anything to succeed.)

Russian Missile? Space Aliens? Anti-Star of Anti-Bethlehem?

Check out the video of the effect here.

Some of the comments got me to thinking, specifically these:

earl223: "Its a rocket. The Russian were doing some test from a nuclear submarine in the White Sea and apparently a Bulava missile failed to launch properly."

FlourideHead: "Rocket, my arse! When did a rocket last make a huge 'rotating' perfectly symetrical spiral in the sky? Looks to me like classic ionization of the atmosphere using RF energy. Possibly a climate-change (secret) experiment beamed from the ground. Not very secret if you can see it from miles around!"

You tell him, FlourideHead! Let's think about this for a second.

What's an equal distance from Oslo as Russia? Geneva, Switzerland.

What's in Geneva Switzerland? The Large Hadron Collider (translated: Black Hole emitting doomsday device).

If they're equidistant, they're equi-probable. This all happened during a worldwide convention to determine international laws, just like happened in Geneva in the 1940s!

But can the Collider actually cause black holes? Let's check in with, my favorite source:

"See my page on the danger of the CERN LHC particle accelerator in France becoming a Black Hole Doomsday Machine that may cause the December 2012 destruction of earth, and myvideo on it. There is a Nostradamus prophecy on this possibility. The CERN LHC was turned on again in November 2009, but it will be early 2010 before the more dangerous high energy collisions are done that could create Black Holes. You are going to hear statements like: "We turned it on and earth was not destroyed so this proves the LHC is safe". But the high energy collisions that could produce Black Holes won't be done until 2010. And if a Black Hole is created and goes to the center of the earth, there may be no sign of it for a year or two, until it gets large enough to start causing giant earthquakes and volcanoes, possibly eating earth from the inside on December 21 2012."

So it's not a sign that Obama is the Antichrist?

"And the election of President Barack Obama brings Hope to the world in a time of great economic crisis. I think the election of President Obama is part of a trend discussed on this page, where Hope for the world comes from the Southern Hemisphere."

Oh, ok then.

""Note that Kenya is on the equator, where the Southern Hemisphere begins. This is related to the 1987 Southern Hemisphere Supernova, which resulted in a wave of positive change in the Southern Hemisphere, with Democracy coming to South America and positive change in South Africa."

That's more than I need, thanks.

"President Obama brings Hope and new ideas, which this country and the world needs now."

Ok, seriously, stop.

"Turning around the U.S. economy will take time--"

I'm closing my browser right now.

"--since President Obama has inherited a wrecked U.S. economy--"


"--with the national debt gone out of control--"


"But personally I am very hopeful and encouraged, on President Obama's new ideas."

I'll take that as a 'no.'

Friday, December 4, 2009

Conspiracy Feary Friday: I don't know, but I'm trying! just posed the question, "Can anyone stop Facebook?"

It appears that thanks to caution after caution after caution that I have delivered to the masses, someone's getting the hint. And the hint is: Facebook is an evil juggernaut that demands our fear!

"Nearly a year ago...the site had just signed up its 150 millionth member, [and] Facebook's growth rate has actually accelerated during the past year. In September, it announced that it had reached 300 million members, and this week, it passed 350 million."

"It's likely that Twitter has fewer members than the number of people who play the Facebook game FarmVille (69 million!)"

Not only is the site growing too rapidly for us to keep up, assimilating members into its collective much like the Borg, it seems to be trying to destroy its rival while forcing the human race to revert to a Dark Ages agrarian economy. Don't play FarmVille, people! It's not real! Log off and fight back! My friend's cousin recently holed herself up in the guest bedroom over Thanksgiving break because her virtual bell peppers would wilt if she didn't tend them...that's evil!

"But it isn't just that Facebook is racking up a lot of members. With Facebook Connect, the company is expanding its footprint beyond, spidering into every far-flung corner online."

Great, it's like a virus...or yeast.

On Wednesday, Yahoo announced that it would integrate Facebook Connect with all of its services.

And like a true parasite, all it needs is a warm body to host it...although I didn't even think Yahoo was even warm still.

"This huge partnership will bring Facebook closer to becoming what has long been a holy grail in the Web business—a kind of universal sign-on service, the one place that stores the world's social information."

Um, Holy Grail? I think they got their wires crossed. There's nothing holy about this alliance. In fact, the opposite.

"Perhaps one day not long from now, everything on the Web will be a mere extension of Facebook."

And with more and more commerce moving online, this starts getting chilling. Ah yes, a ubiquitous obligatory trade requirement...where have I heard of this before?