Thursday, August 19, 2010

Squeaky Wheel Gets the Galaxy

Forgive me in advance...

If a supposedly maligned and disenfranchised group seeks reparations, where and how can they find them? Well, it appears by attacking celestial bodies.

The NAACP has recently mounted an attack on black holes. I wish I were making this up. Here is evidence of two fronts in this war on the suckers.

In the first video, African American Dallas city councilmen get worked up at the very use of the term 'Black Hole.'

In the next, you'll see as the NAACP mounts an assault on Hallmark over their use of the term 'Black Hole.'

So what do angry blacks gain by attacking black holes and scaring people from even using the term?

Well, in polytheism, celestial beings' power is relative to the belief in that power. So, as worship declines, so too does power. By reducing the number of times people say 'black hole', the militant few also decrease the power of black holes at large.

What consequences are there to this subtle attack on the theoretical gravitational giants? Well, recently scientists waited with bated breath for the expected creation of a black hole.

"A star went supernova with more than twice the mass needed to ultimately collapse into a black hole. "


"But something weirder happened - the star became a magnetar, an asteroid-sized star with the most powerful magnetic field in the universe."

See?! In just a few short months, their assault has stopped the production of black holes. But why?

I'm convinced they are changing the course of Armageddon.

Black holes are gravitational, and will pull anything in. So the escape from this world which could happen via black holes is becoming less likely.

Super electromagnets only pull metals towards them. That's why these people are equipping themselves with more and more metals! So that when these new supermagnet stars do approach earth, they'll perform a racial-restrictive rapture--drawing forth the black hole killers by their grills, Mercedes hubcap medallions, and pinky rings.

Want more proof? Our first black president effectively cancelled NASA's space mission, so no one's going into space until this new evil plan unfolds.

Help us, Alpha Centauri, you're our only hope.

1 comment:

  1. That's pretty ridiculous. They were hearing what the didn't want/ wanted to hear.