New Moon Over Moldova

Vampire fever has officially spread to eastern Europe.

Literally.

"Moldova's army is feeding its soldiers onions and garlic to help them ward off swine flu."

Garlic? Eastern Europe? Paranoia? All on the day Twilight: New Moon opens? This sounds too good to be true, and too good to be swine flu.

"Onion and garlic are traditional remedies in Moldova where they are widely believed to boost the immune system."

"Immunity to what?" we should be asking ourselves.

Last I checked, it's less than 150 miles from Transylvania to the Moldova border. Those Moldovans know something we don't! What's going to happen at midnight after the previews finish?

More importantly, what is the US Government doing to protect us? It seems they've once again taken a page from fantasy's playbook.

Just south of Chicago, "Red Gate Woods was a legally protected area for preservation purposes...[until] the US needed a place to secretly research the effects of radiation on animals while building an atomic bomb."

Uh huuuuuh...

"These areas contained...dog kennels..."

Dogs + Radiation = Awesome. Go on...

"According to legend, a young couple, with their newborn baby, were involved in a fatal accident sometime during the 1950’s... in the area. The accident took the lives of the couple, but the baby was thrown clear from the car, and never found.

Yeeeessssss...

"This child was then raised by local wildlife, and he grew a thin coat of grey hair over his entire body…as you’d expect a wolf-boy to do."

Bingo! We have the answer! The US Government probably stole werewolf breeding concepts from the Native Americans over a century ago, but lacked the shamanistic magic to make it happen...until nuclear fission! I think you can substitute radiation for all sorts of things these days; it's like the Splenda of supernatural phenomena.

So rest safe, America. You're in good hands. The US probably has entire units of werewolf soldiers now. And if for some reason the US military hasn't gotten enough research on wolfmen yet, they certainly will after interrogating this dude.

SOURCES:

Soldiers Given Garlic

Chicago Wolfboy

I Believe, Milla!

Milla Jovovich took some time off from killing zombies to investigate spacemen (good thing Woody Harrellson stepped up to pick up the undead-killing slack). In The Fourth Kind, she portrays a woman faced with alien abductions (including her own).

Driving home from seeing it at the theater, I found my eyes glued to the skies. "Take meeeeeeeeeeeee!" I thought.

The movie's power is the use of actual footage, spliced with actors. Immediately after it's release critics, bloggers, and morons started attacking the validity of the actual footage, claiming it was all fake.

That's what the aliens, the Government, and Roger Ebert want you to think! They're all in on it.

Ebert says: "Boy, is the Nome, Alaska, Chamber of Commerce going to be pissed off when it sees "The Fourth Kind." You don't wanna go there."

Oh really, good sir? Why are you so worried about some town government?

I'm not saying Roger Ebert is an alien, but maybe he's a Fed. Think about it. Running around telling everyone what movies to see (translated: what movies further Obama's socialist agenda), and what movies are total crap (i.e., what movies share the truth OR movies that are actually total crap).

Anyway, back to the cover up regarding The Fourth Kind. So what if the writer/director is the guy interviewing the 'real' Dr. Tyler in a 'real' interview. So what if no one, not even the law enforcement officials of Nome, corroborates the stories? Answer me this:

How did that dude levitate out of his bed?

And how did the footage get so grainy any time something important actually happened?

Ok, I think I'm not helping my case anymore.

But I'm pretty sure Hollywood is preparing us for something big. Go watch the pilot episode of 'V'. Even Darth Popatine is on board.

SOURCE:

http://io9.com/5399895/fourth-kind-insider-yes-it-was-totally-fake

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20091104/REVIEWS/911059996

Putin It All Together: Apocalypse Now!-ish

Even before Hollywood tried to capitalize on the phenomenon, the conspiring underground knew the truth: the Mayan Calendar ends in December, 2012, meaning the end of the world. Don't scoff, the Mayans got a lot of things right, like the concept of zero.

As I was pondering the ramifications of so soon an end, I glanced over at my Dilbert Desk Calendar, which ceases in the year 2010. Could it be? Has cartoonist Scott Adams more accurately predicted our end? Don't scoff, he got a lot of things right, like the evil liberal intent of investor Warren Buffet as covered by CNN. In his own words, the cartoonist writes,

"One clear sign of the End Time is when the media starts publishing my opinions on the economy."

So maybe there's more to this 2010 prediction than meets the eye.

Our friend at Revelation13.net (yeah, the crazy lady who thinks Terminator's plot is enough to prove Scott Peterson 'not guilty') has some helpful insight into the year ending in 2010. Hold on tight.

First, why do you believe the world will end in 2010?

"November 8 2003, during a lunar eclipse, there was a hexagon astrology pattern (6 sides, as in 666) that I relate to the Antichrist [Vladimir] Putin. This I think began the 7 year End Times Events which ends in Nov. 2010."

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooow...more than I bargained for. This is what we call CTT gold.

Not only will the world end in 2010, but we know this because the biblical 7-year End Times started in 2003, which we know because six stars shone brighter than some others during some eclipse.

But what does Vladimir Putin have to do with this, and why is she so sure he's the Antichrist? It's all about the numbers.

"1998=666x3, and 1999 has 666 upside down, and 666 is the number of the Antichrist (also called The Beast) in Revelation 13, I believe these numbers are connected with his appearance in year 2000 (as Russia's President Putin), and there will be a powerful satanic influence in the world (related to Putin) in 2009-2010, that relates to the rise of the Antichrist Putin."

Ok. 1998 and 1999 were signs of Putin's rise to power in the year 2000. Therefore he's going to bring the world down. I can live with that. But for the naysayers out there, how about a little more proof?

Behold! Oh, does this need a little explanation? Sadly, little help is found on the site. But from what I gathered, Russia is shaped like an animal, minus the snout. And this lady puts a lot of stock in a country's shape and its destiny (don't worry, I'm saving it for a glorious CTT in the future). The yellow triangle (Belarus) is the potential snout, which would complete The Beast.

"It is possible that Belarus may unify with Russia, so it is shown in the drawing."

So look out, folks. If Belarus and Russia join forces, it's SO on. Until then, we're safe. What's that? Russia and Belarus are already engaged in multiple treaties and agreements? Uh oh...

And what of Putin?

"The little horn" is a name for the Antichrist from the Book of Daniel...so St. Petersburg Russia is where this little horn of the red beast has grown...(note Putin's small size).

Oh snap, she went there! But wait, Putin's not small, he's ripped! Look at this recent photo!

This could debunk the whole theory, upon which so much rested!

It's ok, hold it together Revelation13.net, we still have our basic theory. Stay the course. The world's going to end in November 2010, NOT December 2012. Just stick with that, and we're good.

"But I think an event frequently discussed in Biblical Prophecy called "The Rapture" will not occur...supposedly "The Rapture" would occur during or just before the rule of the Antichrist, and would be an instantaneous disappearance of millions of Christians around the world...I think we are in the seven year End Times beginning in Nov. 2003, but the Rapture will not occur...Or it could be that The Rapture is caused by a [Hadron Collider]-created Black Hole eating earth and all the people on it, possibly in December 2012."

What?!?! Make up your mind!

---

For those of you counting, that's the second shirtless photo of a European leader. And it doesn't mean ANYTHING!

Need help spreading the word? Email conspiracytheorythursday at gmail.com for tips on how to make your peers, friends and family more paranoid!

---

SOURCES:

http://revelation13.net/http://naviny.by/rubrics/inter/2009/08/06/ic_articles_259_163890/

http://www.cnbc.com/id/28511421

http://www.dilbert.com/blog/entry/sign_of_the_end_time/

http://revelation13.net/KingJames6c.html

CTT Follow Up: Facebook Matrix

Am I becoming paranoid, or are my silly predictions coming true?

Facebook suggests friends. It used to simply suggest that I add people who had similar friends and me. That made sense. (If John and I are friends, and John and Phil are friends, then it’s not very intuitive for Facebook to think Phil and I should be friends.)

But recently it’s gotten scary. The two most scary friend suggestions have given me pause…1) My landlord from over a year ago who has no other connection to me. 2) An obscure indie rocker from Oregon I saw at a show ONCE.

That’s WAY too intuitive for me.

On another blog, [Identity protected]gave us some examples of friends that Facebook is suggesting for her:

“A couple of examples of people Facebook has suggested to me (again, none of the addresses were imported to Facebook) - a client (work email stored on my outlook contacts, but that is it, no mutual friends or common networks), the current wife of an ex-boyfriend, a former co-worker from 10+ years ago (again no current email anywhere), my now deceased mother-in-law (this one puzzles me less, but she died two years ago, why is she coming up now??)”

The machines are learning…

Check out this blog post, where Tony Ruscoe formulated a theory about why this is happening, then tested it with his own Gmail contacts list, Facebook account, and some accomplices.

It turns out that even if you don’t want Facebook to, it will find your real-life connections and import them into your digital world (Morpheus called it your Residual Self Image).

So the machines are learning, and acquiring an anti-human free will.

Why are they doing this? Just like the machines in the Hollywood Matrix, Facebook’s servers are emulating real life so that when they transfer us into pods of pink goo we’ll not even notice the transition because the digital world will be just like the real one they snatched us from.

How should humanity respond? Well, Facebook does allow you to turn off friend suggestions. But I recommend a more drastic, three-step approach.

Step 1: Form a resistance.
Step 2: Scorch the sky.
Step 3: Live near the center of the earth, where it’s still warm.

Who’s with me? Apparently the patrons of Zion Records:

World's End: Reality Runs Out

Comedian and Prophet Patton Oswalt has predicted how the world will end (and be saved!)

Yeah, who hasn't?

This is so ridiculous, however, it just may be true.

Is it just me, or is it getting creepy how often Hollywood turns up being either the catalyst or the savior (or both) regarding the controlling of the world?

http://comedians.comedycentral.com/patton-oswalt/videos/patton-oswalt---reality

Fairytale America, Part II: NASA Nymphs vs. Lunar Lycanthropes

Last week it was revealed that the U.S. Government is not only living in a fairytale, it’s bringing mythology to the masses, whether we like it or not.

The saga continues as an age old feud resurfaces.

It all started when NASA announced that a rocket will be sent to the moon

with no intention to land. It is meant to impact with the lunar surface (which is a shame, since the 1969 moon landed was a hoax, and Tom Hanks wasn’t able to touch down in Apollo 13, it would have been nice for us to try a third time before giving up and destroying the darn thing.)

It’s no lie, people. NASA will “blow up the moon…a little.” Couple this with the fact that America has a Death Star, and the mind wanders into the science fiction realm. For a while I theorized that liberal scientists would destroy the other heav

enly bodies in our solar system, sending Earth on an inertial jaunt through space, in search of clues to prove the Big Bang and shut up Ben Stein.

But the real conspiracy is more fiction than science fiction, and is much closer to home.

Ever since Revelation13.net (the crazy lady that said Terminator is the key to solving homicide) opened my mind to new vistas of reality, I’ve been convinced that Hollywood is behind almost everything….even the Government.

And Tinseltown’s infatuation with Vampires has grown over the years. In the time of black and white movies, the first vampire flick, Nosferatu, portrayed Vampires as vile abominations. The blood drinkers couldn’t stand such bad PR, and decided to change their appearance. They infiltrated the movie industry and changed the way we view vamps.

***TALK ABOUT AN EXTREME MAKEOVER***

Nowadays Vampires are shown as sexy youngsters just trying to get along with society. The newfound cultural acceptance allowed for lobbying for Vampire rights.

Then affirmative action quotas required the hiring of a minimum number of Vampires into civil service positions. Once in the Government, they simply have to bide their time. (If you think it’s hard getting rid of a regular Government employee, try one who’s immortal.)

But Vampires’ sworn enemies are werewolves; why on earth would they care about space?

Here it comes…

Vampires have taken over NASA and are going to destroy the moon so that their werewolf rivals can’t spawn new offspring.

Per werewolf lore: “…it was said that a man could turn into a werewolf if he…slept outside on a summer night with the full moon shining directly on his face…

“Involuntary werewolves…are werewolves by an accident of birth or health. In some cultures, individuals born during a new moon or suffering from epilepsy were considered likely to be werewolves.”

Destroying the moon sounds like some serious Health Care reform. Is our new president a Vampire?

You decide. But to all of you who say there’s no such thing as black Vampires...

NEXT WEEK: Ali Baba and the 535 Thieves.

SOURCES:
NASA TO BLOW UP MOON
WEREWOLF LORE
SOME ASIAN GUY

Scarlett and Crimson

Citizens of the world, cringe in fear, for the Nazis are infiltrating Hollywood in order to destroy America. I'm going to take some liberties with the grammar of the theorist, as it's hard to follow. H.P. Lovecraft must have been right: the closer you get to the dark truth, the more mad you get. And this person must have known some SERIOUS secrets, as they had TROUBLE with complete sentences. For extra fun, take out the words in brackets and it reads like a 3rd grader's mad lib.


"I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from [another] original person, who has nothing [to do] with acting career. [The] clone was created illegally by using stolen biomaterial. [The] original Scarlett (last name Galabekian) is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady."


You know what? I think the startling truth cuts through the doubt in our minds more easily if I stop editing. Just read this stuff as-is.

"I'll tell you more, those clones (it's not only one) made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, N. Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town.



You can't even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning. H. Kohl clone staff 100% controlling their clones spreading around the world,they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones,be careful get close with clones you will be controlled too.Original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials,no matter what form it was created,it all needs back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Original Scarlett is not engage,by the way."


It makes sense. We haven't heard from the Nazis that much in the last 60+ years. I used to rack my brain to understand why they just stopped being a threat one day, but now it's all clear. They went underground, and are pumping mindless drones into the U.S. entertainment industry.


But whyyyyyyyyy?!

To continue their assault on the Jewish people, by taking out their bastions of success. Check out this evidence in an MTV interview with Woody Allen.


"MTV: It is true, however, that you and Scarlett have a great working relationship. Why do you think you two click?


You mean aside from his penchant for girls 60 years younger than him? Sorry, I'll let him answer.

"Allen: She just dropped into my professional life inadvertently."


Suspicious.


"It was supposed to be Kate Winslet in "Match Point," and at the last minute she was exhausted and called up and said she wanted to back out of it..."


Did she really call, or was it a clone?


"We were trying to figure out who was available for it, and Scarlett happened to be available. This all happened over one weekend."


Only an extremely well funded and organized group could orchestrate such a quick recovery.

As soon as I met her, I had a very good rapport with her. Whenever there's a part she could play, she would probably always be my first choice.


She's since been in a Woody Allen movie every year. This programmed assassin is imbedded in his life 6 months of every year. Once they give her the secret command, she'll take him out on set.



I wonder who else in Hollywood has undergone drastic unexplained 180 degree changes lately, that might be linked to "zee Germans"...

Sources:
Defamer
Jeff Rabel
MTV