Drink Coke, Inch'Allah

Oh, man, is this a good one!

"Extremist Moslems have not dropped their allegations that Pepsi Cola is essentially the code name for a Zionist plot."

Yeah, I bet you didn't know those allegations existed, huh?! Well, they do. And Coca-Cola marketers--I mean Muslim clerics--aren't letting up. Because when you buy Pepsi you're really committing to "Pay Every Penny to Save Israel," according to terrorist group Hamas MP Salem Salamah.

"Cleric Abu Ismail all but called for a Muslim boycott of Pepsi because it stands for ‘Pay Every Penny Saving Israel.’"

Abu Ismail said a penny is “one-thousandth of a dollar.”

Oh, Abu, you blew it. A thousandth of a dollar? Really?

But then The Xenohistorian puts it into perspective, and my paranoid brain starts churning...

Hey says, "You could have fooled me. A better case can be made for Pepsi backing Barack Obama. Yesterday I saw the current Pepsi logo on a sign, in front of the country store I drive past on the way to work every day, and at first I thought it was the Obama logo sideways."

And then I find out that there are allegations that under Obama the Missile Defense logo has changed. Let's take a look.

Looks a lot like the Islamic symbol, no?

Wait, come to think of it. Doesn't a Coca-Cola bottle look a lot like a Scud Missile?

Oh man, does that mean that the swirling lights in Switzerland in December really WERE a Russian missile test? Is there an Obama-Russian-Muslim-Coke conspiracy?!?!

No wonder Tom Cruise is spending millions of dollars for a bomb shelter. He's not hiding from aliens, like this article suggests, but rather hiding from the coming doom here on earth.

SOURCES:

The Atlantic Wire

Xenohistorian

Israel National News

This London

The Economy Is Falling Down

(Sung to the tune of London Bridge)

The economy is falling down, falling down, falling down.

The economy is falling down, there goes freedom.

Yeah, that's not news, I know. But it seems like everyone is trying to bring capitalism down.

First Michael Moore (dude, standing in line for three days for a loaf of bread is not the only way to lose weight. Instead of trying to bring capitalism to an end, why don't you just follow Jared's lead?)

Then gift cards (retailers are taking away your power, America! It's not a free market if I have to spend those $25 in one place, especially if it's on the Apple's socialist iTunes.)

Now off the shelf software.

Buckle in, here we go.

First off, do you remember when it was reported that the 9/11 terror attackers learned how to fly with Microsoft's Flight Simulator?

It's happening again.

FoxNews reported today, "$26 off-the-shelf software is used to breach key weapons in Iraq, senior defense and intelligence officials said."

So that jihad-pop you bought from the terrorist ice cream man in November (only terrorist ice cream men drive around in November) for $5 funded nearly one-fifth the software purchase used to hack Predator drones and save terrorist lives. Next time go to Cold Stone.

Seriously, though, it took a little piece of commercially available software for terrorists to look through the eyes of U.S. drones and predict where they were headed, thus alerting enemies to get the F&#$ out of Dodge so they would live to die up another day. "Hey, you don't blow up my brother, only my cell phone remote detonating device gets to blow my brother up."

What do you think that means? Well, surely the U.S. Government will pucker up and create a new agency to police software sales. Now your son, the intraverted aspiring software developer, will have a Fed so far up his butt while he's programming Grand Theft Auto 9: Stories from Podunk Junction, the Ballad of John Boy, he'll just give up on the project due to lack of creative freedom. And without creative freedom at work, he might as well go to a Government job (probably at the agency overseeing his jerk of a boss so he can get back at him). And pretty soon all the jobs get insourced by the burgeoning Government until there aren't any corporations, just one big company: The United States of America.

How do we combat this? Like true Americans, by sitting around playing PS3. Besides, it'll probably all work out, right? Capitalism forever!

SOURCE:

FoxNews

CTT Special: Conspiracy Feary Friday

It may be tough to swallow, but on the eighth anniversary of 9/11, Charlie Sheen is chomping at the bit to have a new investigation into the events of September 11th. He claims to have plenty of proof that it was an inside job, and you can read it at the link below.

I personally think a more seasoned conspiracy theorist should have taken up the mantle and champion this cause, like me. Besides, Charlie's ex (Denise Richards) says he's way to coked out of his mind, and actually divorced him partially on the grounds of his 9/11 conspiracy theory.

Regardless, check out the mock interview with Barack Obama.

SOURCE:

20 Minutes with the President
Charlie Sheen Demands Obama's Attention

CTT Hits Home!

CTT Faithful, we are under attack! The forces behind the conspiracies which we know to be true are working against us. First, I have hard fast evidence that the terrorist ice cream men that I drew your attention to are active IN MY VERY COMMUNITY. My recon team was able to snap this picture…

Notice the plywood-and-spray-paint sign on the front, keeping that low overhead cost so that more profits may be PayPal’d to fund IEDs in Iraq. Be wary of where you buy your dreamsicles, people, for ice cream is to American terrorists as Opium is to the Taliban.

Be aware of the cruel irony here, friends. These Sunni sweet cream salesmen are no doubt at this very moment buying bulk Push-Pops at Sam’s Club in order to sell them to your children, so that their children overseas can be well funded and trained to face your kids in battle 15 years from now.

More evidence of attempts to snuff out our CTT movement have surfaced. I was recently messaged from one of the paranoid populace, and his message is shocking.

It began as some CTT propaganda was dropped in his driveway in an inconspicuous envelope, and he was notified to pick it up immediately, lest it fall into the wrong hands. What follows is his account…

I come home Friday afternoon from work and there is nothing in my driveway. I walk in and say hi to the family and it’s business as usual, we say hi but no “Hey I found this in the driveway, what is it?” So I am assuming that my “package” has wandered off into the hands of others.

Later that evening [my son] accompanies me to the mailbox to get the mail and low and behold there is an envelope with only my name hand written on it but no return address and no postage stamp or markings. Now this is strange. So I cautiously open the envelope to find a large amount of conspiracy theory cards in it. I look at [my son] with a puzzled look on my face and ask “How did this make it into the mailbox?” He just looks at me all excited that we got the mail but I think that he wanted to say “How the heck should I know? I’m only 2, you’re the adult here.”

So I go home tell my wife what has transpired. She too is intrigued. Actually she couldn’t care less but I was left wondering all weekend long how the Conspiracy Theory Cards made it into the mailbox. This truly was a Conspiracy Theory Moment.

So this morning I am leaving for work and I see a mailman riding his bike to work. He sees me backing out of the driveway and he pulls up along side the car and asks if I am [my name]. My first thought is a flash back to Terminator. “Are you Sarah Conner? BANG!!” I hesitate and after figuring I can take this guy by throwing the door into him to knock him off his bike which would allow me enough time to thoroughly kick the crap out of him I say yes. He tells me that he found the envelope in the driveway and didn’t know if I lived there or not. Not to mention he has no idea who [my name] is. So he gives the envelope to his buddy, a fellow postman to see if I do live there and if so he can put the envelope in the mailbox for me. He then asks what was in the envelope. Again I hesitate. Do I tell him the truth and possibly expose my affiliation to the Conspiracy Theory Thursday network or give him a false answer? Since I am a Christian I know that it is wrong to lie so I ask myself What Would Jesus Do? I remember the scripture about being smooth as a serpent yet harmless as a dove so my response to him was “Oh it’s just some business cards that my friend left for me.” Apparently that satisfied his curiosity because he said OK and proceeded to ride off on his bike.

I will say that I am now more cautious and aware of the [Homeowner Association] surroundings than ever before. I have never seen that postman riding his bike before and I leave for work almost the same time every day. Is it merely coincidence that he just so happened to riding his bike by my house the Monday after he “supposedly” finds the CTT cards in an envelope with my name on them? And what business of his is it as to what the contents of the envelope were? Is the US Post Office now placing my house and family under surveillance or was this just a random current of events that transpired on Conspiracy Theory Thursday? I can’t say for sure but I am going to the dollar store immediately after work to stock up on tin foil.

-END TRANSMISSION-

Are you under attack? Do you need CTT cards so that you may effectively spread the word about the secret goings on? Let me know at conspiracytheorythursday@gmail.com